War. What is it good for? – Edwin Starr
Dear Mr. Starr,
War is often a mechanism for settling territorial disputes, and sometimes a channel for imperial ambitions. Adherents of just war theory have also identified several instances where a war may lead to beneficial outcomes that outweigh its costs, for instance to counter the further expansion of a dictatorial power or to restore rights that have been taken from a population.
How do I live without you? – LeAnn Rimes
Dear Ms. Rimes,
Aside from the neonate, a person is fully capable of maintaining homeostasis independently of another human being. The basic processes necessary to sustain life can be carried out effectively by any healthy adult with normal biological functioning. Adequate intakes of oxygen, food, and water in a suitable environment can ensure the continuation of life.
Where have all the flowers gone? – P. Seeger
Dear Mr. Seeger,
At this time of year, the plants have completed their flowering cycles and have returned to their quiescent state until the next period of bloom, which is highly dependent on several factors including species, climate conditions, soil type, and atmospheric quality. While the hardy perennial may return to flower in the next year, annuals must be replanted. Upon abscission, dropped flowers generally break down into organic compounds in the soil, from whence they fertilize the next generation of flora.
If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by? – Vanessa Carlton
Dear Ms. Carlton,
Any quantum effects that would accompany a reversal of the gravitational field are unlikely to have any effects on the space-time continuum, and thus the flow of time should proceed unimpeded. If your fall was at tremendous speed, approaching that of light itself, then relativistic phenomena would start to be noticeable, slowing down your own experience of time while it passed normally for those beyond your frame of reference. Although it would potentially be slower, based on the best current models in physics time would never stop entirely nor reverse, and thus not pass you by.
Can you stand the rain? – New Edition
Dear Messrs. Edition,
The light drizzle occasionally incident in these parts is not intolerable, and aside from the rare outdoor event that must be relocated inside it does not greatly hinder one’s daily activities. Although more intense thunderstorms require those outdoors to take shelter, these are usually temporary inconveniences.
Who let the dogs out? – Baha Men
Dear Mr. Men,
It was Jeff, from accounting.
