I’m a management consultant and writer serving organizations both large (Fortune 500) and small (nonprofit) on a range of strategic issues

eat the elephant

BusinessJargon
Posted on December 21, 2016

elephant on dinner table

to take on an oppressively large task that may appear at first glance to be nearly impossible; accomplishing it will require sustained effort over a long duration, likely engendering significant unpleasantness for the individual facing said responsibility; the connotations of this phrase are far more ominous than for the related tough putt, which strikes a more jocular tone and can be used for more ephemeral situations

How bad experiences can make customers love you

Exploring the Franklin effect
BusinessStrategy
Posted on December 14, 2016

In July 2015, the highest-rated restaurant in the United States on review aggregator Yelp wasn’t the newest hotbed of molecular gastronomy, or a bastion of haute cuisine policed by stiff-necked waiters, or the latest concept from a TV-famous chef. No, it was an austere barbecue joint near a highway overpass in Austin, Texas named Franklin Barbecue.

Franklin proudly advertises that it has sold out of brisket, its signature item, every day since it opened back in 2009. To get a taste of that meat customers begin lining up as early as six in the morning, toting chairs and lugging beverage coolers to tide them over while they wait. And when it’s gone, it’s gone, much to the disappointment of anyone further back in line.

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  1. And soon the prospect of Amazon drones will cut that wait even further. If they can navigate open windows they can literally drop products in our laps, obviating the need to leave our overstuffed recliners and interrupt our binge-watching—of Amazon-produced content of course. ↩
  2. In case you want to adopt a Silicon Valley uniform, à la Mark Zuckerberg. ↩
  3. Spend some time assembling Scandinavian furniture and you’ll think the resulting particleboard bookshelf compares favorably to one produced by a skilled carpenter, even if it’s canted at a strange angle and you have a handful of leftover hardware. ↩
  4. Having the tempting smell of wood-fired barbecue wafting over your customers while they wait doesn’t hurt either. ↩

Business talk decoded

BusinessJargon
Posted on December 7, 2016
What they saidWhat they meant
"You're directionally correct"You're essentially wrong
"That was a good start"Now start over
"I don't disagree"I disagree, wrapped in a thick, obfuscating blanket of double negativity
"I agree with everything you just said"Except for your most important point, and I will indicate my disagreement through what I say next
"Could you repeat that"I wasn't listening
"Could you rephrase the question"I've been surreptitiously checking social media for the last 20 minutes
"That's a fair point"Now let me make a fairer one
"Let's explore the logic on that"You're wrong, and I’ll need to see ten pages that tell me why I am wrong before I change my mind
"Sorry for interrupting"I wish I had cut you off sooner
"That was interesting"That was a dumb idea, and I am changing the subject
"This will be quick"I have nothing to say, because I'm not prepared
"It would be great if you could..."Do what I'm about to tell you or else

bite of the apple

BusinessJargon
Posted on November 29, 2016

worm in bitten apple

a discrete chance or opportunity to achieve something, as in “we better polish our sales pitch for tomorrow Phil, I don’t think we’re going to have another bite of the apple”; more than one of these for a given individual is often worth remarking on; similar to the term at-bats,1 a bit of jargon preferred in more sports-oriented environments, and used when the referenced opportunities are somewhat more numerous

  1. This term may require some familiarity with the sport of baseball to fully appreciate, as the other bat-and-ball game with some global reach, cricket, generally has limited at-bats in a game for a given player, although they can be far longer in duration. ↩

goat rodeo

BusinessJargon
Posted on November 23, 2016

saddled goat

a folksy and somewhat ridiculous term referring to a chaotic mess, used to put a jocular sheen on what may actually be a rather serious situation; getting one under control may necessitate herding cats, a tangentially-related bit of jargon in that both compare present circumstances to the chaotic and uncontrollable behavior of multiple small and generally feisty animals

Winning and losing on Jeopardy!

To every thing there is a season
Jeopardy
Posted on November 21, 2016

The final scores revealed and champion declared, we are ushered around the podia to our marks at center stage for the banter with Alex that plays behind the closing credits.1 Given the circumstances there is little room for substantive conversation, so we make light talk about some aspect of the game.2 This is to be the peak of our interaction with our host, who promptly heads backstage to prepare for the next go-round. As the winner I do not experience the same emotions as my fellow contestants—but I will soon enough, along with everyone who ever plays Jeopardy.3

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  1. In some markets these credits are shunted to a corner of the screen in favor of a teaser for the local news, where assorted misdeeds are hinted at in such detail as to hook the Jeopardy viewer, who would otherwise move on. ↩
  2. Imagine stepping off a roller coaster and going directly into a live interview. ↩
  3. A rule broken only once, by a certain Brad Rutter, whose initial run occurred when win streaks were capped at five and who has since won every tournament to which Jeopardy producers dare invite him. ↩
  4. His diligence is for the best, as many a career has been tripped up when the presence of a nearby hot mike was forgotten. ↩
  5. The staff also miss no opportunity to address the winner as “Champ,” which is touching, like something a Little League coach would use to psych up his pitcher. ↩
  6. This auto-dap is further enhanced by a rather chunky loose gold bracelet on Alex’s right wrist, said bling reportedly associated with his mother. ↩
  7. A somewhat obscure distinction, though if an intrepid fan knows of other examples please let me know. ↩
  8. The idea of gambling has never appealed to me, but I may understand the rush: there’s nothing like standing there in the silence, Alex and the specter of a few million prospective viewers waiting expectantly while you look up at the scoreboard, and finally just letting it all go. (A notable difference here, as staff are wont to point out, is that I am playing with house money.) ↩
  9. Thus triggering a retroactive debt of gratitude to the University of Pennsylvania Class of 2003 commencement speaker selection committee for choosing Desmond Tutu, whose speech was notable mostly for an apparent endorsement of the Marxist dictum “from each according to his ability, to each according to his need”, which went over with the assembled begowned bankers-to-be about as well as you’d expect, given the places they were about to assume in the economic pecking order. ↩
  10. Unlike his suit these remained unchanged, on the safe assumption that even the most eagle-eyed viewer isn’t paying attention to his footwear. (A younger contestant might be tempted to ask: What are those?) ↩
  11. It does puncture the aura of television sanctity, but this is a workplace after all, and people have dry cleaning to pick up, etc. ↩
  12. This being the amount that could be lost entirely while the leading challenger doubled up and still leave me a dollar ahead. ↩
  13. Including the invariable advertisement for the pain reliever Aleve preceding Final Jeopardy, suggesting that for reasons unknown the aches afflicting the geriatric audience peak just as the episode reaches its dramatic conclusion. ↩
  14. Indeed Bernie Sanders’s callout of the Republican nominee used the exact response required by the clue, demagogue. ↩
  15. After momentary dithering I choose to wear the tie from my wedding for this third game. This is for the best, as I am not to get another opportunity. Nota bene, to future Jeopardy contestants tempted to keep a favored outfit in reserve. ↩
  16. Once again, as is the case for Jeopardy strategy, so also in the vicissitudes of life. ↩
  17. Something to bear in mind the next time you are absolutely certain about something you’ve seen or heard. ↩
  18. It’s the Galapagos Islands, which belong to Ecuador, which is the Spanish word for equator. (Of course.) ↩
  19. In this case, preparation turned out to be my downfall. The lesson of this experience is perplexing, as you might imagine. ↩
  20. Drama, comeback, twist ending: great television. ↩
  21. The clunky inelegance of this term corresponds reasonably well to the emotions these clues evoke in a contestant. ↩
  22. Jeopardy has done away with non-cash prizes it once offered, so this consolation donut is all that remains. ↩
  23. The human desire for ceremony to mark significant events finds little outlet during the production of a game show, so any reflection must be held for processing later. Perhaps on a blog. ↩
  24. But not beyond the actual Ken (Jennings), who must have enjoyed an unparalleled bounty of comped sandwiches and fruit cups and suchlike during his 75-game run. ↩

The view from behind the Jeopardy! podium

All the world's a stage
Jeopardy
Posted on August 16, 2016

Announcer Johnny Gilbert sits in the shadows in the far corner opposite the contestants, and the first thing you hear emanating from the dim light is his precise readout of the episode number. This marks the recording to make life easier for editors and is well into the seven thousands, a final reminder of the show’s longevity as we begin.

There’s a NASA-esque countdown and a moment later the music starts, an electronic whoosh morphing seamlessly into a synth-heavy remix of the iconic Think! theme,1 which plays over the recitation of player names and occupations. Introductions culminate in the champion’s win total, in which Johnny emphasizes the word “thousand” as if it astonishes him, no matter the amount.2 Contestants are trained beforehand to look into one of two cameras as their names are called, which feels longer on set than it does on television.

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  1. Few melodies are more ubiquitous or recognizable, further demonstrated by Merv Griffin’s estimate that his 30-second tune generated lifetime royalties totaling a preposterous $70 million. ↩
  2. In some not-too-distant future inflation may make Jeopardy’s scale of thousands unimpressive to the viewing audience, requiring another adjustment in clue values; its usual payouts are already well below those provided by some other game shows for much less work. But knowledge is its own reward, etc. ↩
  3. Real-life encounters with those “known” only from the screen tend to go this way. ↩
  4. It may be that the appearance of Alex brings up and encapsulates in one glimmering moment a lifetime of Jeopardy memories, like a Proustian madeleine, and for a moment I am ten years old again watching the show on the couch with my mother. This may also be the first time Alex has been compared to a cookie. ↩
  5. With the passing of Dick Clark this is a club populated mainly by Regis, who is now 84 and has cut back his workload significantly. Since our taping Alex has celebrated his 76th birthday. ↩
  6. Alex is downright juvenile compared to announcer Johnny Gilbert, who was 91 years old at the time of our taping and has had a career in Hollywood nearing six decades. He sports a jacket embroidered with his signature phrase (This is Jeopardy!), appropriate for a man who’s still kicking it into his 90s. ↩
  7. On my first show Alex mentions the returning champion’s win on the preceding Friday and talks of the weekend spent freshly savoring her victory. In reality her last game was taped three weeks earlier, prior to an interval for special competitions featuring teenagers, teachers, and Beltway types. Such are the deceptions of television. ↩
  8. Not once in my life had it occurred to me that in time to come something of consequence might depend on my knowledge of eels. This was the day I learned otherwise. ↩
  9. Chalk it up to deficiencies in my education in the classics, but of the Aeneid all I knew is that it was a thing that existed. This proved a perilous foundation on which to risk $2,000. ↩
  10. A prisoners’ dilemma of sorts: in a nutshell, a situation where if each person does what’s good for them individually everyone is made worse off. For example, if you stand up in a crowded stadium you get a better view, but that blocks others views’ and makes them stand up too, and now everyone has the same view as before without the comfort of sitting. Similarly, no matter how others are playing, you should get those Daily Doubles off the board, although it makes it a choppy experience for all players (and viewers). ↩
  11. The Karakoram Highway: which two countries does it connect? They’re high up, probably in the vicinity of the Himalayas. You have five seconds. ↩
  12. Or admirable display of self-confidence, depending on the outcome. ↩
  13. Similar devices are common in game shows, which tend to amplify the stakes in later rounds so that laggards can still win, which maintains suspense without completely disregarding the outcomes of earlier play. This is why Pat Sajak so assiduously tries to spin the maximum dollar value in Wheel of Fortune’s time-shortened last round, which ups the chances of a come-from-behind victory. ↩
  14. Just kidding, Alex is irreplaceable. But seriously though, he will be replaced, and soon, a fact that must give the stewards of this whole operation no end of heartburn as they seek to keep the cash cow alive. ↩
  15. It’s at least worth a footnote. Boom. Meta. ↩
  16. In a nutshell, it’s awesomesauce. ↩

British versions of American movies

Crossing the pond
Humor
Posted on August 2, 2016

In today’s global media environment Hollywood films are distributed in many non English-speaking markets. This requires a nuanced translation of the original title to accurately convey the essence of a film. Less well-known is that fact is that American movies also need translation in order to be suitable for the British audience. Herewith, a listing of some popular American films and their titles when shown in Britain:

Original American movie titleBritish version
The Fast and the FuriousThe Alacritous and the Apoplectic
Two Weeks' NoticeA Fortnight's Notice
TransformersTransfourmers
Air Force OneSpecially-Chartered British Airways Flight
My Big Fat Greek WeddingMy Corpulent Aegean Nuptials
The Empire Strikes BackFinal Fantasy
All the President's MenAll the Prime Minister's Blokes
Jurassic ParkJurassic Gardens
Independence DayRebellion Day

When to be concerned

HumorVisuals
Posted on July 27, 2016

From ha-ha to uh-oh we should be worried

Warming up, and freezing, as a Jeopardy! contestant

Let's get ready to rumble
Jeopardy
Posted on July 25, 2016

The walk over to the set quiets us for a moment, as the anticipation of finally seeing it through non-television eyes heightens the senses. In the studio everything shines, the air seems colder, the audience section is smaller than expected, and Alex remains hidden away, presumably wrist-deep in hostly preparations.1 The ensuing dry run will get us acclimated to the geography of board and monitors and cameras and provide a chance to work out any twitchiness before actual play.2 Upon being shepherded to a podium we bunch around it like puppies crowding a food bowl—unnecessarily, since everyone will get a dedicated turn. We feel the signaling devices in our hands and practice writing our names with a chunky stylus on the screens.3 The most important parts of the warm-up are truncated rounds of almost-real Jeopardy, designed to:

  1. Allow contestants to work through the jitters that come from being in a surreal environment for which no prior experience is a good analogue, and that can lead to less-than-ideal coping behaviors on camera
  2. Blunt the advantage of the incumbent, whose familiarity with gameplay and, more importantly, the peculiarities of signaling can be overwhelming in the right hands (see: Jennings, Ken)4

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  1. The smaller, more intimate audience is in keeping with Jeopardy’s cerebral self-regard. There’s none of the wild gesticulating that defines The Price is Right nor the throaty chant that kicks off Wheel of Fortune. With polite applause and tempered responses to any turn of events, this is basically a golf audience. ↩
  2. Aside from a floor monitor used to display video clues and an LED score tracker hanging from the rafters, what viewers see on television is what players see (excepting of course any loved ones in a player’s peripheral vision, were they able to make the trip). ↩
  3. Over the years, countless regular contestants and some celebrities have stood in these very spots and traced their names on these screens, making the top of a Jeopardy podium the leading contender for palimpsest of the digital age. ↩
  4. The unassuming software engineer who won 74 straight games back in 2004, a record so preposterous there are no good parallels in other areas of competitive endeavor. The perfect confluence of circumstances that led to this streak are very unlikely to reappear, especially given the broad dissemination of Jeopardy knowledge and tactics fostered by the internet since then. More insight from the data wonks at FiveThirtyEight here. ↩
  5. You’ll notice two or three contestants tapping away at the buzzers for most clues, so knowledge isn’t the primary differentiator. A player who has nailed the timing and can seize control at will sets the conditions for domination. ↩
  6. The correct reaction in both scenarios is, of course, to chill. ↩
  7. Other theories: Alex’s contract stipulates his dressing room be furnished with an ice sculpture every morning, and this is the only way to ensure it lasts through the full taping day, or the temperature makes our Canadian host feel more at home in balmy Southern California. ↩
  8. As with several things Jeopardy, also true for life in general. ↩
  9. For some the unmediated gaze of the television camera is almost unbearable, like staring into the sun, and others have fun with it, but in general this is the most grim part of the whole morning. ↩
  10. You will be miked up by a friendly sound technician who must find somewhere on your clothing to hang the battery pack, which is straightforward with gentlemen’s attire and less so for some of the women’s outfits. ↩