fight on the beaches

Posted on February 15, 2017

boxing ring on beach

to imply that someone will expend his or her utmost effort in support of a person, idea, system, etc., usually in a manner that will preserve the status quo, as in “I can’t let them change our PowerPoint template, I’ll fight on the beaches for it”; originates in a rather frivolous appropriation of the defining phrase from Winston Churchill’s historic wartime speech, in which he declaimed Britain’s resolve to defend itself no matter the cost; like other examples of business jargon, when shorn of context and pressed into mundane service the phrase loses a bit of its grandeur1

  1. In a similar vein, the casual use of the jargon “drink the Kool-Aid” belies its truly macabre origins in the Jonestown massacre of 1978, in which several hundred people died as part of a cult suicide; the phrase’s somber heritage has been almost completely forgotten in modern usage

brain dump

Posted on February 8, 2017

brain dumpster

a generally unstructured, comprehensive verbal transfer of information from one party to another, sometimes occurring in the context of a transition between staff or project phases; conveys a note of inconsideration on the part of the dumper, who has not invested the effort required to structure his or her thoughts in a manner that would be more easily received and understood

back-pocket

Posted on January 31, 2017

(adj.) a piece of analysis or area of thinking that is prepared or reviewed as a cautionary measure, without expectation that it will be used in discussion, but that can nonetheless be whipped out at a moment’s notice; a similar idea is captured in the noun construction, as in: “Keep those slides in your back pocket for the meeting”; unfortunately many items consigned to the back pocket remain there, never to justify the effort expended in creating them

at the coal face

Posted on January 18, 2017

coal mine face

to be situated at the utmost point of advancement, e.g., a role having frontline customer interaction, or one bearing direct responsibility for the work being done; this contrasts with the positions of higher-ups who remain comfortably ensconced in their climate-controlled offices, where nary a speck of coal dust threatens to sully their white collars; related to leading edge,1 but with a grittier, more workmanlike aura

  1. Which itself spawned the even more flamboyant bleeding edge, to describe those in the avant-avant garde.

load for bear

Posted on January 11, 2017

bear with bandolier

to prepare for a particularly difficult, complex, or large task requiring ample preparation, as in “The whole board of directors is coming to this negotiation Tom, we’d better load for bear”; stems from analogy to the fact that when hunting large game one would stock ammunition of a caliber more powerful than what is generally carried; whether in the actual forest or the metaphorical business context, said loading should occur well in advance of the sighting of one’s prey/corporate nemesis/target muckety-muck; one surmises that a simple task would thus necessitate ‘loading for squirrel’

next level jargon

Posted on January 3, 2017

While the novice jargon user may stick to hoary classics like proactive or think outside the box, a select subset of management types are able to insinuate the following phrases into workaday conversation with little effort. Caution is advised when handling these expressions— inexperienced users are likely to generate bafflement instead of the desired veneer of insidery expertise.

  • at the coal face: working at the leading edge, i.e. in a directly customer-facing role
  • build the church for Easter: to structure or invest in something for the most extreme use case; this relies on the fact that in increasingly nominal Christian societies Easter is one of two occasions in the year, the other being Christmas, in which church attendance is still normative
  • burn the furniture to stay warm: to undertake actions in periods of extreme distress that, while they may ameliorate the situation, virtually guarantee that once the situation has passed the institution will be unable to function normally
  • chalking the field: to establish the parameters under which a certain set of actions will subsequently take place; from analogy to preparing a sports field for play by marking boundary lines, goal areas, etc.
  • coin-operated (adj): generally unsavory implication that someone is avaricious, by analogy to vending machines, which only produce output in response to the introduction of money, and then only if exact payment is made
  • hayfire: a phenomenon that appears or takes effect extremely rapidly but dissipates with similar speed, similar to a fire ignited in hay, which flares brightly for a moment but quickly burns itself out, as in “Don’t worry about the media interest in our CEO change, this is just a hayfire”
  • long pole through the tent: the final and most complex step required to complete a specific task, and upon which the form of the entire structure depends
  • prewire: to establish the relationships, networks, meetings, data sources, etc., that will be necessary to successfully execute an upcoming initiative or project

tough putt

Posted on December 28, 2016

golf course alligator

a specific element of work that will be difficult to properly execute, usually used in relation to a smaller component of a larger effort; usage may be correlated to those individuals with a high frequency of practicing imaginary golf swings in corridors; alternatives include tough row to hoewhich is used for larger pieces of work or where implications are longer-term, and heavy lift

eat the elephant

Posted on December 21, 2016

elephant on dinner table

to take on an oppressively large task that may appear at first glance to be nearly impossible; accomplishing it will require sustained effort over a long duration, likely engendering significant unpleasantness for the individual facing said responsibility; the connotations of this phrase are far more ominous than for the related tough putt, which strikes a more jocular tone and can be used for more ephemeral situations

How bad experiences can make customers love you

Exploring the Franklin effect
Posted on December 14, 2016

In July 2015, the highest-rated restaurant in the United States on review aggregator Yelp wasn’t the newest hotbed of molecular gastronomy, or a bastion of haute cuisine policed by stiff-necked waiters, or the latest concept from a TV-famous chef. No, it was an austere barbecue joint near a highway overpass in Austin, Texas named Franklin Barbecue.

Franklin proudly advertises that it has sold out of brisket, its signature item, every day since it opened back in 2009. To get a taste of that meat customers begin lining up as early as six in the morning, toting chairs and lugging beverage coolers to tide them over while they wait. And when it’s gone, it’s gone, much to the disappointment of anyone further back in line.

Read more…

  1. And soon the prospect of Amazon drones will cut that wait even further. If they can navigate open windows they can literally drop products in our laps, obviating the need to leave our overstuffed recliners and interrupt our binge-watching—of Amazon-produced content of course.
  2. In case you want to adopt a Silicon Valley uniform, à la Mark Zuckerberg.
  3. Spend some time assembling Scandinavian furniture and you’ll think the resulting particleboard bookshelf compares favorably to one produced by a skilled carpenter, even if it’s canted at a strange angle and you have a handful of leftover hardware.
  4. Having the tempting smell of wood-fired barbecue wafting over your customers while they wait doesn’t hurt either.

Business talk decoded

Posted on December 7, 2016
What they saidWhat they meant
"You're directionally correct"You're essentially wrong
"That was a good start"Now start over
"I don't disagree"I disagree, wrapped in a thick, obfuscating blanket of double negativity
"I agree with everything you just said"Except for your most important point, and I will indicate my disagreement through what I say next
"Could you repeat that"I wasn't listening
"Could you rephrase the question"I've been surreptitiously checking social media for the last 20 minutes
"That's a fair point"Now let me make a fairer one
"Let's explore the logic on that"You're wrong, and I’ll need to see ten pages that tell me why I am wrong before I change my mind
"Sorry for interrupting"I wish I had cut you off sooner
"That was interesting"That was a dumb idea, and I am changing the subject
"This will be quick"I have nothing to say, because I'm not prepared
"It would be great if you could..."Do what I'm about to tell you or else